Hi, My Name is Chicago: Please Take Advantage of Me

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Every Wednesday, I get an indispensable magazine in the mail entitled:  Time Out Chicago.  You must know it, si?
I love this mag; I freelance for this mag; I, however, DO NOT take advantage of this mag.
Man, there is so much going on every week in Chi, I am totally overwhelmed.  I barely make it thru the issue before
the next one comes and I realize I've missed all events listed due to my stay-at-home-and-drink nature, so, here's what I'm going to do...
every Wednesday (mmm-hmmmm), I'm gonna plow thru the glossy pages of TOC and figure out what I'd really take advantage of...if given the time/energy/money/fore-warning/gumption (none of which I seem to have when it comes right down to it).
I start off so inspired to rip into some new events/restaurants/deals, and then outta no where...I'm back at Los Niches tucking into a bowl of Chicken soup...or out sailing on pretty Lake Michigan....or taking care of a sharp edge by
participating in Gruppo di Amici's 1/2 price glass of wine on Tuesday's deal.  No more!  I will dissect this mo-fo stat and let it be known exactly what I am missing--every week on the week....
Let's start with the issue I just got today....here are the jewels I've pulled for your no-show pleasure:

1.  The Family Guy Live on Sept 15 at The Chicago Theater (p. 13):  One word--Stewey

2.  La Oaxaquena (p. 32):  The photo of a full-on deep fried fish at this Oaxacan restaurant looks just about good enough to eat. 

3.  CJ's Eatery (p. 35):  I'm loving the idea of banana bread pudding with peanut butter anglaise.

4. Cuban Island (p.36):  Minty mojitos and ropa vieja are what dreams are made of.  I'm still trying to find the best mojito in Chicago--the one with the CRUSHED ice.  Perhaps this joint has it?

5.  Sabri Nehari (p. 36):  Please just read the food review.  This is my next pitstop for sure.

6.   Tents (p.44):  I cannot believe I haven't been camping this summer.  I mean, its only been either 106 and sweating buckets or pouring rain.  Go figure.

7.  Wheaton All-Night Flea Market (p.47):  a/  Why have I never heard of this and b/ Where is Wheaton?

8.  Spa Forever (p. 50):  So, first timers get any hour long service for a paltry $49.  Nice.

9.  Chicago Outdoor Film Festival (p. 52):  Great! It's the last show of the season.  Dude, summer is over!

10.  Hamsa-Fest (p. 55):  I'd go for the African fair-trade coffee, the Moroccan tea and the Arabic eats alone...the global music is a bonus.

11. Glenwood Avenue Arts Fest (p. 56):  You'll want to come to this tidy little fest just so you can visit the Pilates Chicago booth where I will be...touting my upcoming Pilates retreat in glorious Mexico.

12.  The Field Museum (p. 66):  Darwin and the Galapagos.  I mean, what's not to love?

13.  Chicago Printmakers Collaborative (p. 72):  I love printmakers and the creative genius of it all.  I wish I had some sort of skill.  One I could sell.

14. The 11th Hour (p. 92):  Because I just wanna see it.

That snazzy list sums up everything that I'd wanna see/do this week in Chicago...but be forewarned, I will most likely not partake in a single one.
I suck, I really suck.